Ask Dr. Tracy

Summary Guide for Finding Someone

Worn down by a string of go-nowhere relationships and tired of being alone? Don't be discouraged. Anyone can get a good love relationship by following my guidelines. They require time, effort, and a little mental discipline, but if you follow them, they absolutely will work for you.


Even guys, who traditionally make the first move, will respond to a woman who makes a pass at them. Admit it, whether you're a man or a woman, if someone cute flirts with you, you tend to react with your hormones instead of your head. So get out of hormone-response mode and start doing the choosing based on some criteria you've established in more thoughtful moments. You're not sure what your criteria might be? That's OK; everyone has preferences, and if you start making a list, you'll be surprised at how it helps focus you on real prospects instead of time-wasting flings. (See "Developing Realistic Criteria")


Sorry, there's no way to totally avoid "the dating scene." Increasing your odds of finding Mr. or Ms. Right requires both being more selective and meeting more "possibles." Whatever you're doing now to meet people, I'm sure you can find new ways to meet more (see "Are You Looking Or Waiting?"). Sure, it's time-consuming, and sure, a lot of the "possibles" will turn out to be turkeys, but meeting a couple of new people per week will add excitement to your life. And it will add to your allure. Remember, no one wants to eat at a restaurant with an empty parking lot.


One-sided love is masochistic. If you're short and dark-haired and you meet someone who always wanted a tall blonde, say goodbye. Find someone whose fantasy you fill. But how do you get someone to tell you their fantasy mate? Isn't that impossible? No. It's actually quite simple. (See "When Love Happens Easily".)

I know, we were all brought up to believe that you can't "make" Love happen; Mr. or Ms. Right will somehow drop out of the blue. It's a wonderful myth, all bundled up with Cinderella and Camelot, and it quite conveniently appeals to our laziness.

Every single person harbors an "Out of the Blue" fantasy, usually some version of what Hollywood calls the "Cute Meet": Tom Cruise or Sharon Stone bumps their shopping cart into yours, down comes the cereal display, your eyes meet as you're picking up the Puffed Kashi, and you both live happily ever after...

Can you set aside your favorite "Out of the Blue" fantasy for awhile? If not, it's OK, I understand, and you'll still get lots of helpful hints from this Section of my Library. But if you can, and you follow my Guidelines, I'll have you in a solid, loving relationship within a year.

Related Keywords: Meeting People, Dating Strategies, Your Requirements

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