"Anchoring" is a proven and powerful, yet little-known
discovery of modern psychology. By setting up a link
between good feelings your loved one is experiencing and a
special touch you give him or her at that time, you'll
eventually be able reactivate those good feelings whenever
you need to simply by invoking that same touch.
You may remember reading about Pavlov's famous experiments,
where he rang a bell every time he fed his dogs, and the
bell become so associated with food that the dogs would
salivate when he rang the bell, even in the absence of food.
Well, anchoring sounds a little Pavlovian, I'll admit, but
it's all in a good cause -- to make your love feel
The general idea is this: in our culture, certain gestures
and touches already have special meaning (a touch on the
upper arm for comfort in bereavement, a hug for a warm
greeting, a pat on the rear for touchdown congratulations);
with anchoring, you go one step further, and create a
special, private touch which has a particular meaning for
you and the one you love.
Pick a spot other than the upper arm, since that's already
taken. For your general-purpose, "Good Feelings" Anchor,
you want a spot you can reach without embarrassment in any
situation, yet one that isn't touched much -- like the back
of the neck. Plan on rubbing that spot gently, in tune with
his or her breathing.
Your objective is to connect that special touch with
whatever makes your loved one happy: a wonderful meal,
opening a present, watching their team win a big game,
getting good news from work, listening to a favorite piece
of music, or watching a beautiful sunset. Your special
touch should be combined with vocal and visual anchors as
well. Say a pet name in a special tone of voice at the same
time you touch or rub the special spot you've picked, and be
sure you have a warm and loving expression on your face.
This must be done repetitively in order to establish the
unconscious connection between their good feelings and your
touch, but once the Anchor is set, you can use it anytime to
bring back those good feelings when they start to slip.
Let's say you're both about to go out to dinner with your
boss, but your mate's had a rotten day. Nothing you did,
but you know it could ruin an important evening if you don't
do something fast to improve his or her disposition.
The worst thing you can do is to tell your mate everything's
fine. Remember from my "Mirroring" article, when your loved
one is feeling bad, the best thing to do is mirror their bad
mood and get in tune with it first. If your mate is visual
(see "Inner Languages"), you
might say, "I can see why you're upset." Or, if he or she
is auditory, "I can hear how upset you are." Or, to your
feelings mate, "I can understand how you feel."
Then, when you've gotten in tune with your love's miserable
mood, your magic anchor will help you turn their misery to
happiness. At that point say, "I feel so bad for you. It's
a shame you don't feel better, honey (or use the pet name
that's part of the anchor)..." (now touch the anchor)
"...because it's going to be a great dinner and a wonderful
evening, and remember, living well is the best revenge."
You'll be amazed at how well this works.
If you've ever felt out of control in a relationship,
anchoring can make you feel more in control, even sexually.
Since it's possible to have different anchors for different
feelings, you can create a different anchor to make your
mate feel sexy.
Actually, sex anchors are about the most powerful anchors,
since you build them by using a special touch every time
your mate experiences a strong orgasm. One of my male
clients created one so effective that it would bring his
partner to climax without him touching her in any other
Related Keywords: Love Strategies, Making Love Grow, Keeping Love Alive
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