1. You Don't Have To Look Like A Movie Star
Sure, a woman will fall for a man because she likes his
looks. But for a woman, liking a man's looks often means
she likes the look in his eye when he looks at her.
And what's that look? Not dumb adoration, but total focus -
- total attention to what she's saying, sensitivity to her
moods, awareness of her needs. Most women are fed up with
hot-shot guys who spend the whole evening talking about
themselves and scanning the room for other attractive
Every woman wants to be the center of attention. If
that's her experience with you -- a man who remains totally
engaged in conversation with her, unaffected by the gorgeous
girl at the next table, she'll find it irresistable. She'll
want to see you again, and she won't care if you're not the
most attractive guy around.
Really paying attention covers everything from putting her
orgasm before yours to putting the toilet seat back down.
It means thinking of her and making sure she's comfortable.
It means taking out the trash and being gallant enough to
lift anything that looks heavy -- even if she's perfectly
capable of lifting it herself. That's not the point. The
point is that you care enough to do it.
2. You Don't Have To Be Rich
Men often complain because they think women want only rich
and powerful men. It's true that women are instinctively
attracted to these kind of men (see "Developing Realistic Criteria").
But many women are enlightened enough to ignore this
instinct and secure enough to look for a man who will bring
attributes other than financial security to a relationship.
If you're not rich or powerful, you can provide the other
things a modern woman wants -- companionship, communication,
sensitivity, compassion, affection and suppport. By
providing those, and being quick to recognize other things
that your woman might need in her life, you can make her
happier than she'd be with a rich man.
3. You Do Need To Be Happy
A woman is attracted to a man because she perceives that her
life will be better with him in it than without him. So, if
you want to attract your ideal woman, look like you're
having fun. If a woman thinks you're enjoying life, she'll
be drawn to you, because she thinks her life will be more
enjoyable with you in it.
When women talk about the kind of man they'd love to be
with, they often describe qualities like a "good personality
and a great sense of humor." What they really mean is that
they want a happy man. A woman wants a man who likes
himself and his life, not a man who hates his job, his life,
his ex, his parents, his looks or the world in general.
If you're unhappy with your life, keep it to yourself and
work on solving the problem. Women are drawn to men who are
enjoying their lives. Your lover is not your therapist or
4. If You're In A Depressing Relationship, Get Out Of
If you're not attracting women because you're depressed, and
the reason you're depressed is because you're in an
unsatisfying relationship, get out of it. See the "Letting Go" Section of my Library,
starting with "Convenient
Don't stay in a go-nowhere relationship, waiting for Ms.
Right to inspire you to leave it. When you're half-in,
half-out of an unfullfilling relationship, you are not
really available for a wonderful woman if she does come
along. She senses your inability to be totally available,
and you remain stuck with the previous unfullfilling woman.
5. Project The Right Image
Are you sane, balanced, settled, with both feet on the
ground and your head on your shoulders? Do you know who you
are? Do you like who you are? Or are you still searching?
Women like men who seem substantial, not flakey.
Are you dependable? Can you always be found, or are you the
type who suddenly disappears, can't be relied on and is
difficult to reach? Are you simply without any stability in
your life? Would a woman feel safe marrying you, allowing
you to use her credit cards, write checks from her
checkbook, and most importantly making you the father of her
children? Would she feel safe leaving her children with
If you're the wild and crazy type, that's probably the kind
of woman you'll attract. Sane women who are attracted to
crazy men are just having a lark. When a woman wants a life
partner or a long term relationship, she wants a sane man.
She wants someone she can take home to her parents without
being disowned. She wants someone she can take around her
business associates without being embarrassed and losing
business. She wants someone she can rely on.
When you're ready to get serious, tone down your outrageous
behaviors. Let a woman see that you're the type of man she
can make a home with. Show her that she can depend on you
to do what you say you're going to do, be there if she needs
you, and be the life partner she needs.
6. Are You Lovable Or Just Looking To Get Laid?
Do you just want to get laid without getting emotionally
involved? Women are turned off by men who aren't lovable,
who just want sex without communication, affection, and
foreplay. Actually, women report that they think being
affectionate is more important for a man than being
Do you have frequent opportunities to be affectionate with
your family or kids? Or are you so tied up with your
career, getting ahead, and fighting to succeed that you've
lost touch with your affectionate side?
If you feel too inhibited to be affectionate with a woman,
or you've been hurt so much by past relationships that
you're afraid of being open and affectionate, or you're
simply out of practice, you need to reopen your affectionate
side. Getting a pet often helps. Then, when a woman comes
into your life, it may feel more natural to feed her, pet
her, and be openly affectionate with her. She'll appreciate
that more than a perfect body or a handsome face.
7. Affection Is Important, But You Must Do More
Women want to be loved for their souls, their
intelligence, their personalities, sense of humor, depth and
ability to please you. They need reassurance that sex isn't
the only reason you want them.
So if you want a woman for sex, you'll actually do better if
you set sex aside at first and look for other things to like
about her. Let her know that you think she's smart, that
you appreciate her mind. Ask her opinion about things.
Talk to her. Let her know that what she thinks is important
Show respect for her abilities outside of the bedroom. Does
she work for a cause? If so, act interested. Is she a
passionate ecologist? Is she into health foods, or new age
philosophy? Whatever she's into, it's important that you
don't put down her beliefs, no matter what you think. You
don't have to agree with everything she thinks, but if you
belittle her, you'll totally alienate her.
8. Learn The Art Of Seduction
Of course, you want sex. Women know that and they
expect it. But many men never get close to women because
they don't know how to ask. They make a small, timid move
and expect the woman to respond with instant passion. If a
woman doesn't react, they think that means "no." It doesn't
Lots of women wait for the man to make all the moves.
They've been taught that nice girls don't want sex. So even
if they do, they're not going to grab you and tear your
clothes off. If you're afraid of rejection, you may be
acting too tentatively.
Here's a simple rule to follow. If you haven't been
pushed away or she hasn't said "No," she may be waiting for
you to make another move. However, if she does push you
away or says "No," stop immediately. If you persist for one
moment beyond that, it's sexual harrassment or worse.
There's always a next time. And in the meantime,
perhaps you should review your romancing style.
A particularly successful seducer once told me, "I
never pick the fruit until it's ripe. If you pick it too
soon, it's hard and bitter, but if you wait until it's ripe,
if falls off in your hand, and it's oh so very sweet."
Getting a woman "ripe" requires the dance of seduction,
a courtship ritual. Courtship rituals take place in every
species. There are moves the male makes, moves the female
makes. In our species and in our society, the man makes the
moves by taking the woman out, wining and dining her, giving
her gifts, perhaps, but certainly lots of time and
attention. He is then expected to be the aggressor
Do you want to be successful with women? Follow the ritual,
even if you think it's bullshit. Love her for her mind and
her good qualities. Always precede seduction with wining
and dining. If she seems happy, proceed. Show her
affection, and if she returns the affection, proceed some
more. Much later, after you've mastered the dance, you can
try to change it (if you still want to).
Related Keywords: Attracting, Meeting People
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