In "Women To Avoid, Part 1", we
reviewed some classic types
you'd only want to have a fling with, if that. Here are
some (slightly caricatured) types I'd suggest you not even
get started with.
- The Achiever
- The Achiever already makes more money than you do, and
she likes it that way. It gives her power she's too
insecure to live without.
On the surface, the Achiever may look like the dream woman
of the 1990s. She's bright, witty, and attractive. If
you're the kind of guy who's not put off by high-powered
women, you find it flattering that she's chosen you over all
the high-powered guys she meets at work.
In the beginning, your romance with the Achiever is a rush.
You enjoy the fast pace, the time-is-more-important-than-
money lifestyle. You even have occasional fantasies of
being a kept man, of living a life of leisure on her
Then her secretary calls to tell you that she's off to the
airport for an out-of-town meeting and can't make the trip
to Hawaii you'd been planning for six months. Or she
proposes going into business together. She's got it all
figured out, and she can raise the money. Soon after that,
your ulcers start. If the business is a failure, your
relationship falls apart. More likely, the business will be
a roaring success, and you'll never see her without making
an appointment with her administrative assistant.
Life with the Achiever means you come after the achievement.
Whatever is going on in your relationship is trivial
compared with her next presentation, merger, sale, or
promotion. And you can forget a home life. For her,
quality time together is a round of golf shared with some
visiting businessmen. Like the famous scene in the movie
"Network" with Faye Dunaway, she won't have sex unless she
can reach the bedside phone, in case there's a business
The Achiever is hell to live with, but you won't get
sympathy from anyone. She'll claim she's doing it all "for
us." Your parents will be in awe of her and think you're a
complainer, and your male friends will say you got just what
- The Virgin
- --or almost. The Virgin has never had an orgasm before,
may never again without your constant attention. And now
she loves you, loves you, loves you, like an adoring puppy.
Of course, if the relationship doesn't work out, it's all
your fault, since she was a virgin, or almost, before she
got involved with you.
Fooling around with the Virgin is fun for a while, but it's
like the electric company. Once you turn on the juice, you
have to keep paying the bills. And paying and paying. Most
Virgins aren't very practiced at birth control, so they
often get pregnant, and they definitely don't believe in
abortion. So you're stuck, for life -- with the Virgin, the
Virgin's parents, church choir, and a very conservative
Of course, it's an ego trip to think that you're the guy who
finally broke through her reserve, that only you can make
Ms. Frigid act like a sexual lunatic in bed. But the ego
massage lasts only so long, and then you realize that the
only thing you saw in her was the challenge.
- The Man-hater
- Accept it. Some women just don't like men, often with
cause. The Man-Hater loves to find a nice guy like you
who'll stand there while she takes out her hostility for
what other men have done to her. You'll wind up paying for
the misdeeds of every man in her life, from the boy who
tormented her in kindergarten to her younger brother, her
father, and especially her first husband.
Man-Haters look like ordinary women when you meet them, but
there are signs of incipient man-hating. Man-Haters
consistently put down men and praise women. In the
beginning, the Man-Hater pretends that you're different from
all those other men who've treated her badly, but soon she
begins to see signs that you're really not. By this time,
you're in love with her, so you try to convince her by the
power of your love that you're one of the good guys.
The trouble with a Man-Hater is that she doesn't recognize a
good guy when she gets one. Even the smallest indiscretion,
like leaving the toilet seat up or not being able to find
something when it's right under your nose, will reveal the
permanent unforgivable rotten core she sees lurking inside
The Man-Hater often covers her basic dislike and mistrust of
all men with feminist grievances. She's not putting down
men, she's defending women.
No matter how much you love a Man-Hater, you won't be able
to make up for the wrongs suffered by her and all the other
women in the world, which she'll expect you to do. Don't
even think about being the good guy who changes her mind
- The Waffler
- The Waffler just can't make up her mind. She can't
if she wants you or someone else. She can't decide if she
wants to have a relationship or just fool around. One week
she's a member of the girls-just-want-to-have-fun club, and the
next she's talking about having babies.
The Waffler hates making dates in advance. "Call me Friday
and we'll talk about Saturday night." Or "I won't know
until I talk to my veterinarian to see how my sick cat is
doing." Greed keeps the Waffler from making any irrevocable
decisions. If she commits to going out with you too soon,
well, something better may just come along and then where
will she be?
The Waffler breaks dates all the time, because something
better does come along or because she simply changes her
mind. The Waffler has a fantasy man in mind and a fantasy
relationship. Since nobody's reality ever lives up to her
fantasies, a Waffler who makes a date ahead of time begins
to dread the date as it approaches. She knows you can never
be as terrific as she is hoping you'll be.
One reason the Waffler isn't fun to be with is because she's
never happy in the moment. She's always yearning for
someone else, someone taller, stronger, richer, better in
bed -- someone she'll never find.
- The Walking Wounded
- Because she is just divorced or ending a long-term
relationship, the Walking Wounded needs a interim relation-
ship while she figures out what happened, who she is, where
her self-esteem went, and what she's going to do with her
Should you make the mistake of accepting the assignment,
you'll be in for an unlimited amount of crying towel duty.
The Walking Wounded will spend hours telling you how that
monster did her wrong. She'll replay her last relationship
ad nauseum, and your life will be filled with stories of
what he did yesterday and today and what he's going to do
She spends most of her time talking, thinking, wondering,
worrying about him instead of you. You'll always feel like
she loves him more than she loves you even though he treated
her so badly; and so you try harder to treat her even
better. You bring flowers, you tell her you love her forty
times a day, you buy her presents. But no matter what you
do, the shadow of her broken heart hangs over your
Let some other guy be her interim relationship.
- The Supervisor
- The Supervisor is a perfectionist who goes around
the performance of the world to see if it lives up to her
exalted standards. Since nothing is ever perfect, she's
constantly telling you what's wrong with everything.
At first, it can be flattering that someone with such high
expectations and good taste has chosen you. So it's you and
she, the two perfect people, lined up against an imperfect
world. But soon you start to realize the imperfections in
each other, and you turn on each other.
She realizes that your lapels are three-eighths of an inch
too wide and that you're wearing last year's cuff. No
sooner does she get all your clothes updated than she
realizes that something is wrong with your job, or your car,
or your apartment. Finding things wrong with the world is
her way of life, so she can be very difficult to live with
on an everyday basis.
You begin to realize that no matter what you do, no matter
how much you let her run your life, it's still not perfect
enough. When she realizes that you can't do anything right,
she takes over living for you. Eventually, either you
succumb, have a frontal lobotomy, and spend the rest of your
life following her around; or you grow a beard and start
wearing clothes from the Salvation Army to get her out of
How To Avoid Them
Getting more serious now, the best way to avoid witches,
bitches, and crazy ladies of all varieties is to understand
that they have neurotic needs, whereas normal women have
If you're attracted to a woman who looks like one of the
classic witches, bitches, or crazy ladies, or if she seems
to have a neurotic need, stay away. If she's really sexy
and coming on to you, it's hard to say no, but you can
reprogram that first reaction. Instead of thinking, "I
wonder what she'd be like in bed," try thinking, "Whoops,
there goes trouble for somebody, but it isn't going to be
- What Normal Women Want:
- What Witches, Bitches, and Crazy Ladies Need:
- To use you for their own agenda without caring what
happens to you
A man to make their lives okay
Everything all at once
An endless party
And remember, if you want to find happiness, try falling in
love with a normal, well-adjusted woman.
What To Do If You Keep Winding Up With Crazy
Read "Spotting the Crazies" and "`Qualifying' Someone".
If you're really ready for a grown-up relationship, and
you're not just using unsuitable women to avoid commitment,
do the exercises in "Developing
Realistic Criteria" below. Then follow the step-by-step
process outlined in the rest of this Section and the next
two Sections faithfully, and you'll be in a fulfilling,
committed relationship within a year.
Related Keywords: Your Requirements, Qualifying Someone, Bad Prospects, Criticism
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