Sandy is an editor for a major publishing company known for
its line of feminist books, which is why this story of
"Crazy Love" is so surprising coming from her.
She thinks the whole problem started because of her well-
known workaholic tendencies. "I tend to be the one who does
all the work, which is why I went overboard, I guess, when I
met Dan. He was like a project for me.
"I met him one year after my divorce. I was 35, he was 38.
He was a doctor, the handsomest creature I'd ever seen. He
had been a college basketball player and still had this
"We started going out, and right away I tried to do crazy
things to attract and hold his attention. For instance, he
was head of some doctor's organization and traveled a lot,
so I asked him if I could take him to the airport.
"He said, 'No, no, it's too much of a commitment,' but I
laughed and said, "Don't worry, no commitment."
"So I dashed out and bought a taxi driver-type cap and white
shirt and got some lettering put on the back of the shirt
that said `NCCC' and underneath in small letters, "NO
COMMITMENT CAB COMPANY, phone 212 888-NCCC.' When I picked
him up in my outfit he seemed amazed and somewhat charmed,
so of course I kept it up.
"On his return, I met him in a cop's uniform. I held up a
sign that said "L.A. CITY P.D.' and called him "The Perp,"
like I was a police transport.
"Whenever he travelled, I'd meet him at the airport gate
with his name on some kind of sign. I'd lift and carry his
bags and do everything but carry him. Sure, I was
embarrassed walking around the airport with silly clothes
on, but it was worth it to show him how clever I was, how
different from all the other women he knew.
"One time Dan was coming in with his son from Ohio, and I
knew the No Commitment Cab Co. or the police outfit wouldn't
work, so I dressed like a Gypsy cab. I was in full Gypsy
regalia, long hair, scarves, jewelry and even carried a
"Even after I found out he was still screwing his old
girlfriend, and she never did anything original, I kept it
up. Don't ask me why.
"I went to such extremes. One time, I showed up in his
emergency room with a fake bullet wound in my hand. I'd
gotten it at a magic store in Hollywood, and I thought the
wound and the fake blood looked pretty realistic. He was
only mildly amused, which I guess was all I could expect
when I saw how busy he was.
"So I said, `OK, I'll get out of your hair if you can just
find me some alcohol. It's the only thing that will get
this stuff off.' So we went into the back room, and there
was this cop there with some accident victim.
"Anyway, the cop is working on his accident report and out
of the blue, Dan says to the cop, `Aren't you supposed to
make a police report about bullet wounds?'
"The cop looks up and says, `Bullet wound? What bullet
wound?' He looks at me from across the room and right away
starts to get green. `Jeez, that looks real bad,' he gasps.
Dan, meanwhile, is cracking up and trying not to show it.
"So I say, `Oh, it's nothing. My boyfriend was cleaning his
gun and it went off by accident. It's not so bad, except
where it's started to fester,' I just love that word,
fester. Anyway, the cop keeps looking at my wound, except
when he does he can't stand it. He's trying to be macho,
but he looks like he's going to be sick any second.
"`Well, we'd better report that,' he says.
"At that point I chickened out on the gag and said, `Wait.
It's a joke. It's a fake wound, I bought it in a toy
"The cop looks over at Dan, who by now can't keep a straight
face, and he gets furious. `Oh shit, shit,' he yells,
totally ignoring the accident victim who's looking at us
like we're all crazy. `That's not funny. I can't believe
you got a doctor to go along with something so stupid.'
"It was the first time Dan got any real pleasure out of
anything I did. Usually, he'd barely react, which I guess
is why I kept trying even more outrageous stunts. He was a
lot like my father, and I acted like I did when I was a
little girl, jumping through hoops trying to get his
"I thought if I entertained him he would love me. It never
penetrated. He didn't care. He didn't respond. Come to
think of it, I never really got my father's attention, and
never got him to love me, either."
Sandy rationalizes that she got some pleasure from her
"project" with Dan. "Actually, I enjoyed being imaginative
and using my creativity, but I felt anxious and sweaty,
really manic most of the time."
Related Keywords: Bad Prospects, Giving Too Much, Over-Romanticizing, Love Addiction, Dependency
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