Ask Dr. Tracy

When Love Happens Easily


Most of us have a specific "type" of man or woman that most appeals to us. Sometimes this preference is a clearly- visualized fantasy mate, and sometimes we're not even aware we have a preference. It doesn't matter. If you match a person's preferred "type," he or she is pre-disposed to fall in love with you, whether they know it or not. It's that simple.

Of course, people fall in love all the time with someone who's not their "type," and many times wind up very happily married. But if someone marries their fantasy mate, they're not just in love, they're satisfied that their quest for a mate has come to a perfect end.

It's easier than you might imagine to find out if you're someone's type or not. How? Just tease them by claiming you're not, and see how they respond.

Timing is critical. The best time is before you agree to go out with a new person, if they're asking, or immediately after he or she has agreed to a date, if you're asking.

If you're dark, say "Actually, I'm surprised you want to go out with me. I heard you liked blondes." (Or if you're blonde, say "dark and sultry" if it's a man or "the tall, dark and handsome type" if it's a woman). Just describe a type that's opposite to you, in a light, bantering tone.

If you are their type, they'll protest this gentle tease instantly, like a reflex -- "No! That's not true! Where did you hear that?"

If you're not their type, they'll probably sputter and hem and haw for a moment while they're figuring out what to say.

Of course, if he or she just smiles, looks you up and down, holds their hand out level with the top of your head, and says, "Honey, I like 'em just about so tall, and dark just like you," your prospective date is a smoothie who figures you're going to be putty in their hands.

While those hands may be tempting, I'm here to keep you on guard. Your smooth talker undoubtedly has a "past." Check up on him or her. If, for example, you're a short brunette, and this guy's ex's for the last five years turn out to be mostly leggy blondes and redheads, you can bet you're just an experimental "change of pace" for him. And that's exactly what you don't want to be -- it's called a fling.

Sure, you can fight "type" and win. But if you do, and the two of you eventually decide to get married, you'll always have to live with his unfulfilled fantasy. Part of him will always be yearning for the long-legged blonde he didn't get. You'll be out somewhere and his eyes will wander to a woman who looks more like his fantasy than you do. You'll always worry that he'll run off with his fantasy woman, leaving you in the lurch just because you weren't it.

I'm not saying you can always figure out someone's "type," or even that they necessarily have one. But it's worth trying to find out, because believe me, the easiest and best love relationships are when you fill each other's fantasies. That way nobody ever feels cheated -- or as if they have to cheat because they never got their fantasy.


Related Keywords: Attracting, Meeting People, Dating Strategies, Love Strategies



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