Something tells me this Q&A applies to lots of women (and
with a little transposition, many men, too)...
Dear Dr. Tracy:
I look and look, but I never attract a man I like. It seems
like the flighty, fancy women get all the good men. I'm not
a good flirt (it feels like Chinese water torture!) How do
you become a big flirt? How do you get used to wearing lacy
clothes and perfume? The trouble is, I like men, but I'm
blunt and more intelligent than most of them. I am fairly
cute and petite, but that works against me because no one
expects me to also have a strong personality. Yet I do.
Dear Strong Personality:
Of course you can learn to flirt. It sounds like you
already know how. What's wrong with putting on a few lacy
things and wearing perfume?
Most important, your intelligence can be an advantage. You
can use it to be funny, to ask questions which show a man
you're interested, and to subtly flatter him.
The problem is, you've convinced yourself that flirting is
distasteful. It goes against your self image. You may be
like so many women in my seminars and workshops who are also
bright and opinionated. Unfortunately, their firmest
opinion is, "I'm not going to stoop so low as to flirt."
It's almost as if you and these women are challenging men to
instantly find and love the "real" you. When that happens,
your intelligence turns against you, and what comes across
to guys is a hostile, "I don't need you" attitude.
Wise up. Flirting is fun. It's a biological imperative,
part of the mating ritual of our species. Refusing to flirt
is like being the only peacock who won't spread his
feathers, and then complaining because the female peacocks
Sure, you might find a guy someday who will push his way
through your "I don't care enough to flirt" attitude, but
Another reason men and women both refuse to flirt is the
old, "if I don't try, I can't fail." Just remember, if you
don't try, you can't succeed, either.
Flirting is not a betrayal of your intelligence or feminism
or anything else. It's just a way of letting a guy know,
"Hey, I think you're interesting." Since guys have to make
almost all the first moves, a little flirting on your part
gives them the confidence to approach you.
See "Flirting and Meeting 101"
for some step-by-step advice on how to make flirting a
Related Keywords: Meeting People, Attracting, Sexual Attraction
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