When we fall in love, the natural urge is to throw ourselves
into the relationship, heart and soul. Unfortunately, as I
explained in "Are You Giving Too Much
Too Soon?" that will suffocate a budding relationship,
just like loving a plant to death by over-watering it. The
reason for this perplexing and unfair state of affairs is
revealed in "Why People Love".
You must fight the urge to give too much too soon in the
early stages relationship, even if it "feels right."
Instead, have patience, give selectively, and let your love
blossom naturally. How much giving is just enough? I can't
tell you how much water is right for your plant, but I can
give you some safe guidelines for giving in a
In the same categories as we discussed in "Are You Giving Too Much Too Soon?",
here's the right way to give:
- Giving Romance And Love
- "I love you" is a very special thing to say to someone.
While a little romantic billing and cooing is part of
courtship, go slow. Save your love goodies and dole them
out like the treasures they are. You'll get a lot more in
Relationships, like many other things, either get better or
worse. They rarely stay the same. Start yours on a low
romantic note. Begin as a friend, then build slowly.
- Giving Commitment
- If you were starting a new business and you had only one
client, would you let that client know he was the only one?
The answer is obvious. Of course not. You'd want to seem
busy and in demand.
Unless you have discussed your relationship and arrived at a
mutual agreement to be monogamous, never tell someone that
he or she is the only one in your life. Why would you just
volunteer to someone that they're the only one? They may
not even be available for that honor.
If he or she asks, "Are you seeing anyone else?" Just say,
"Oh, have friends I do things with. I'm sure you do,
- Giving Gifts
- Put off giving gifts as long as possible. Show you care
in other ways. Give her an elaborate massage, or make
dinner for her, or sew his missing button, or feed his dog
when he's out of town. Help your lover with their kids,
their relatives, their problems. But don't give expensive
If you feel you must give a gift, make it something with
little monetary value. Don't try to impress him or her with
how much you've spent. Instead, show how creative you can
be without spending a lot.
- Giving Information
- Tell about yourself a little at a time. Don't be an
open book, and don't brag. If the other person hears about
some achievement of yours from someone else and not from
you, it will give you a very intriguing quality and greatly
increase their interest in you. And whatever you tell about
prior relationships, make sure you don't come across
sounding like a perpetual victim.
When To Give Your All
When you have both made a mutual commitment to each other,
then you can be almost totally giving.
Even then, always keep a tiny percentage of yourself, just
for you, a secret place that only you know about, a place to
savor and retreat to, to protect and nurture. That inner
essence of you will remain mysterious and alluring to your
mate -- and if you ever lose your mate through death or
divorce, it will sustain you.
Final Word For Over-givers
If you suspect that giving too much has played a role in
your prior relationship problems, I urge you to read the
other articles in my Library which cover different aspects
of over-giving. Because this is the most common and most
damaging relationship error you can make, I've made GIVING
TOO MUCH TOO SOON a Library keyword; click on it and all
these articles will be listed for you.
You may also have perceived the unanswered question in all
of this... "OK, if I give too much too soon, I look needy or
desperate. That's easy to understand. It's the converse
that's a mystery -- if I hold back, the other person is
attracted -- why?" If that's what you're wondering, you're
approaching the nucleus of the atom of "Why People Love". Read that
article and you'll find your answer.
Related Keywords: Giving Too Much, Dating Strategies, Love Strategies, Commitment
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