Many single people who say they're ready to get married and
settle down aren't. They're not psychologically prepared or
they're hanging back, passively waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right
to pop into their lives. This might describe you without
you being aware of it. How can you know?
Here's how to tell if you're prepared. Try to visualize
success in finding someone. Close your eyes and picture
yourself on your own wedding day. Imagine yourself all
dressed up (or dressed in a toga or whatever if you're a
non-traditionalist). See your family and friends. Hear the
wedding music. See your bride or groom. Try to picture
that person. Imagine yourself saying "I do." Imagine how
you would feel.
Are you having problems with the visualization? Sure, no
one knows exactly what their bride or groom is going to look
like before they've met them, but if the visualization of a
marriage or commitment ceremony makes you squirm, you may
have a mental block about commitment.
If you do have a mental block, repeating this simple
exercise may help you get past it. In most aspects of life,
from sports to business, those who succeed say they
repeatedly visualize their success. If you can't even
picture yourself hitting the ball or pulling off a killer
business presentation, you're probably not going to be able
to actually do it. The same applies to achieving a long-
term committed relationship.
Here's how to tell if you're hanging back and passively
waiting, even if it doesn't seem like you are.
Are you forcing yourself to endure the boring rituals of
dating services or singles clubs? Have you tried any
new way of meeting people recently? If you're only looking
in ways you're already comfortable with, you're not
stretching. Unless you're willing to try something new, at
the risk being a little uncomfortable, you may be slipping
For example, are you willing to go out alone to parties and
social events? It's always easier to meet someone, and for
them to meet you, if you're not clustered together with
buddies or girlfriends, or worrying about what they'll think
if you strike up a conversation with someone who looks
interesting but not movie-star attractive.
If you have trouble talking to people and making new
friends, push yourself to follow the Nike ad -- "just do
it." See "Flirting and Meeting
101" for some practical advice on the subject.
Try new ways of being open to meeting new people. Smile at
strangers (as long as you're in a safe setting). Let the
world know you're ready to have a real relationship. Ask
friends to fix you up. Don't be shy about admitting you're
really serious and want a relationship.
Don't let the stigma attached to personal ads keep you from
trying them. And despite "The
Pitfalls of CyberLove", online dating and matchmaking
services are also worth a shot. However, per my article "Going beyond E-mail", I urge you
to be very careful about how and where you get
together with someone you've met either online or through a
Expose yourself to a lot of "possibles," and continue to
refine your criteria for a life partner (see "Developing Realistic Criteria").
By meeting more people, you'll also get better at evaluating
them for their marriage or long term relationship potential.
Even if you believe you're already expert at sizing someone
up, please read "Qualifying
Someone" before getting carried away with a new person
Related Keywords: Meeting People, Your Requirements
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