No couple ever remains madly in love forever, through leaky
toilets and overflowing drains, crying babies and demanding
families, business problems and bank overdrafts. What
happens when the newness of your love wears off? What
enables your "In-Love" feeling to mature into true lasting
love, capable of withstanding the ups and downs of a long-
In great relationships, the newness is replaced by a deep
bond, a web woven from shared experiences, pleasurable
little habits, and private, personal "love triggers." In
most relationships, these develop by chance, but by knowing
what they are, you can nurture your relationship and assure
its progress by making them happen.
Build Your Relationship's History
Every solid relationship has its own history of loving
experiences, of the things you've done together that created
lasting memories -- the times you've loved, and laughed, and
shared new experiences together, even the times you've cried
together. These are the memories that bond a couple.
You can create such a history. You don't have to wait for
unusual things to just happen to you, which might take
years. You are not at the mercy of fate. Don't wait for
the memories to build; create them.
Instant History can be created by doing memorable or even
exciting things together as a team. Take a trip. Learn a
new sport together. Or use your imagination instead of
spending money -- stage an especially erotic seduction for
her, or a "mystery date" where nothing's really expensive,
but everything's a surprise, or a "pot-luck" birthday dinner
party for him with all of his or her friends.
Take advantage of opportunities to create Instant History.
Help him or her to move. Rescue a stray dog or cat and find
a home for it together.
When Sylvia, a twenty-eight-year-old department store buyer
and amateur photographer, met Monty, her divorced, thirty-
year-old fireman, I helped her determine that he was highly
visual (see "Inner Languages").
She knew she had to take her time with Monty, but she was
smart enough to document their entire relationship with
snapshots, including some of her and his little boy
together. As the relationship developed, she shared the
snapshots with Monty. Soon the photos became a little
scrapbook -- a visual Instant History.
Later, after Sylvia and Monty were married, he confessed to
her that he "used to look at that damn scrapbook a dozen
times a day" when they were apart.
Notice how some couples play the same music over and over
again. It's "their song," and they can stand listening to
it so many times because for them, it's highly pleasurable;
it's a private "love experience trigger." Through this
addictive repetition, the song and the experience both
become habitual parts of their lives.
Find a favorite singer who has a meaningful song that both
of you like, one that always reminds you of how much you
care for each other, and let it become "your song." Don't
worry if this sounds corny or hokey; it works.
Other "Love Triggers"
In addition to "our song," any other mutually shared love
trigger can strengthen a relationship's bond by becoming a
pleasurable habit which neither of you can enjoy except with
Some couples have a silly little saying that only has
meaning for them, or pet jokes that really aren't funny to
anyone else, or private names they call each other.
Many couples retain, from the new and exciting "In Love"
phase of their relationship, an unusual or even kinky sex
act that's a sure turn-on for both of them. This very
private pleasure becomes habit-forming and adds to the bond
Some couples say the magic words, "I love you," a lot more
than others. This verbal repetition adds to their bond in
subtle ways. Now that you know about "Inner Languages", you'll be able
to say the magic words in your mate's particular Love
Language. To a visual mate, you could say, "You can see how
much I love you." To an auditory mate, you might say, "You
can hear how much I love you. To a feelings mate, "You can
feel how much I love you."
Relive Your Special Times Together
Every once in a while, just for fun, play the music you used
to hear when you were first falling in love, go through your
pictures, and watch the video you took of your last vacation
Related Keywords: Love Strategies, Making Love Grow, Keeping Love Alive
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