Men have affairs with married women, but not with anything
close to the frequency and naivete of women having affairs
with married men...
Dear Dr. Tracy
I'm a 20 year old waitress with a 17 month old baby. Three
months ago I met a nice and wonderful, respected cop who has
been married for 8 years and has 2 kids. We have fallen in
love with each other. He has been honest and I trust him.
How can I control my feelings and keep from wanting him all
You can't. We women just can't control our feelings once
we're in love. If you don't already want him all to
yourself, it won't take long before you do.
So remind yourself of this: "nice and wonderful" men don't
cheat on their wives. He may be telling you the truth, but
he's lying and sneaking around at home.
Married men can be so charming; they leave all their
nastiness at home with their wives and you only see the good
side. I've had a couple of those kinds of relationships
myself. Both times, I wound up broken hearted and the man
If you're smart, you'll learn from my experience, and get
out now. If you're the kind of person who only learns from
her own experience, you'll probably hang around until the
bitter end -- until his wife finds out, or until he finds
another playmate. Meanwhile, you're facing years of being
alone on holidays and handling crises without help.
Of course, you're probably hoping he's going to divorce his
wife and marry you. But is that really what you want? To
switch roles and become the one he's lying to while he's
having honest pillow talk with someone else? (Believe me,
men rarely change their patterns.) Even if he suddenly
becomes true-blue, you'll never have him all to yourself;
he'll have lifelong obligations to his former wife and
You deserve a man of your own, and your child deserves a
real family. Tell the married man you're breaking up with
him, get back into dating, and get busy with other things.
It may be hard at first, because you've fallen for this guy,
but the surest way to get over him is to find someone else
who can be all yours.
Related Keywords: Sexual Attraction, Over-Romanticizing, Dating Strategies
Return to Library Top Page
Return to "Ask Dr. Tracy" Home Page
copyright 1995-2011 Tracy Cabot