Ask Dr. Tracy

A "Wonderful" Married Man (Q&A)

Men have affairs with married women, but not with anything close to the frequency and naivete of women having affairs with married men...

Dear Dr. Tracy

I'm a 20 year old waitress with a 17 month old baby. Three months ago I met a nice and wonderful, respected cop who has been married for 8 years and has 2 kids. We have fallen in love with each other. He has been honest and I trust him. How can I control my feelings and keep from wanting him all to myself?

Dear Wanting

You can't. We women just can't control our feelings once we're in love. If you don't already want him all to yourself, it won't take long before you do.

So remind yourself of this: "nice and wonderful" men don't cheat on their wives. He may be telling you the truth, but he's lying and sneaking around at home.

Married men can be so charming; they leave all their nastiness at home with their wives and you only see the good side. I've had a couple of those kinds of relationships myself. Both times, I wound up broken hearted and the man stayed married.

If you're smart, you'll learn from my experience, and get out now. If you're the kind of person who only learns from her own experience, you'll probably hang around until the bitter end -- until his wife finds out, or until he finds another playmate. Meanwhile, you're facing years of being alone on holidays and handling crises without help.

Of course, you're probably hoping he's going to divorce his wife and marry you. But is that really what you want? To switch roles and become the one he's lying to while he's having honest pillow talk with someone else? (Believe me, men rarely change their patterns.) Even if he suddenly becomes true-blue, you'll never have him all to yourself; he'll have lifelong obligations to his former wife and family.

You deserve a man of your own, and your child deserves a real family. Tell the married man you're breaking up with him, get back into dating, and get busy with other things. It may be hard at first, because you've fallen for this guy, but the surest way to get over him is to find someone else who can be all yours.

Related Keywords: Sexual Attraction, Over-Romanticizing, Dating Strategies

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