Men may not like my advice to this woman, but it's only fair
to let them hear it, since the problem here is experienced
by virtually every single woman, and women need a way to
handle it.
Dear Dr. Tracy
I have problems distinguishing between whether a guy likes
me or is just being nice. One time I went out with a group
of people and ended up talking all night with one man.
Later we talked on the phone for about 15 minutes (there was
no chemistry), and he said he'd get back to me later. He
never did.
Then I was attracted to another man I met at a bike store,
and I thought he was attracted to me. He kept cracking his
knuckles and telling me personal information about himself.
Later, when I returned to pick up a part for my bike, he
seemed less animated and less eager to talk with me. He was
courteous, but just treated me like any other customer and
seemed uninterested in flirting.
What changed in these men? How can I, being somewhat shy,
turn their moods and actions to my favor?
Dear Shy,
One reason you may be failing to find men who really want
to pursue you is that you don't give them a chance.
It's easy to be misled when you first meet a man. Say a guy
goes out of his way to talk to you and gives you his full
attention. These are the usual signs of interest, true, but
maybe you've merely run into a guy who's friendly and
sincere and just likes to talk. How can you tell the
difference?
Limit the first encounter. If you like the guy, let him
know, and then be on your way. Don't talk him to death.
Let him pursue you, rather than you pursuing him. Act
interested, but be a little mysterious and not nearly so
available. Don't keep showing up where he works.
You'll quickly find out who's really interested, as opposed
to the guys who are initially nice out of friendliness, or
to see if you'll respond only to build up their egos. Don't
waste your time or energy on men who don't follow up.
Why a man doesn't follow up hardly matters. He could be
taken, he could be having a bad day, or he could be having a
bad life and be incapable of having a relationship with
anyone.
Instead of worrying about a man whose moods need turning
around, keep looking until you find one who's not moody and
who just plain likes you.
Related Keywords: Dating Strategies, Meeting People
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