Ask Dr. Tracy

Why Don't They Call Back? (Q&A)

Men may not like my advice to this woman, but it's only fair to let them hear it, since the problem here is experienced by virtually every single woman, and women need a way to handle it.

Dear Dr. Tracy

I have problems distinguishing between whether a guy likes me or is just being nice. One time I went out with a group of people and ended up talking all night with one man. Later we talked on the phone for about 15 minutes (there was no chemistry), and he said he'd get back to me later. He never did.

Then I was attracted to another man I met at a bike store, and I thought he was attracted to me. He kept cracking his knuckles and telling me personal information about himself. Later, when I returned to pick up a part for my bike, he seemed less animated and less eager to talk with me. He was courteous, but just treated me like any other customer and seemed uninterested in flirting.

What changed in these men? How can I, being somewhat shy, turn their moods and actions to my favor?

Dear Shy,

One reason you may be failing to find men who really want to pursue you is that you don't give them a chance.

It's easy to be misled when you first meet a man. Say a guy goes out of his way to talk to you and gives you his full attention. These are the usual signs of interest, true, but maybe you've merely run into a guy who's friendly and sincere and just likes to talk. How can you tell the difference?

Limit the first encounter. If you like the guy, let him know, and then be on your way. Don't talk him to death.

Let him pursue you, rather than you pursuing him. Act interested, but be a little mysterious and not nearly so available. Don't keep showing up where he works.

You'll quickly find out who's really interested, as opposed to the guys who are initially nice out of friendliness, or to see if you'll respond only to build up their egos. Don't waste your time or energy on men who don't follow up.

Why a man doesn't follow up hardly matters. He could be taken, he could be having a bad day, or he could be having a bad life and be incapable of having a relationship with anyone.

Instead of worrying about a man whose moods need turning around, keep looking until you find one who's not moody and who just plain likes you.

Related Keywords: Dating Strategies, Meeting People

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