Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but when it's
missing, everything else just doesn't seem quite right.
Dear Dr. Tracy
I don't know what's happened to my fiance. When we first
started living together 10 months ago, we had wonderful sex,
and lots of it! Now he's still affectionate, but he just
doesn't seem interested in sex, even when I try to initiate
it. He says he loves me, and there's more to being together
than sex, but I'm so worried. This has been going on now
for 6 weeks. He's 27 and I'm only 24 but I'm afraid I'm
already no longer attractive to my husband-to-be!
You're right; you have a problem.
At 27, your guy's sex drive should still be near its peak,
not dwindling off to nothing. And if you're like most
women, your sex drive will increase in the years to come.
If you don't want to be a frustrated wife in a sexless
marriage, I advise you get to the bottom of this before
Don't blame yourself, thinking that you "don't attract him."
If you're interested in sex and show it, a 27-year-old man
in love should be hot for you day and night -- whether your
hair's in curlers, or you're in your ratty jeans, or if
you're sound asleep in the morning.
Sure, men vary in their sex drive. But young men's
horniness is biological and near-universal. If it's
virtually absent, something's wrong. It could be that he's
getting sex elsewhere; be alert for this possibility.
Or he could have a pyschological problem. Try to narrow
down on the situation. For example, is he having trouble
getting an erection? Talk to him about your desires -- not
when you're in bed, all expectant, when he may react
defensively, but outside of the bedroom. Is something
bothering him emotionally or at work? Is he worried about
satisfying you? Ask about his desires -- does he want you
to do something special to arouse him?
While we all would like sex to be spontaneous, it's healthy
to talk about it, too. Try making a "date" for sex,
agreeing on a time when you'll unplug the phone and turn off
the TV and just be with each other. Spice up your "date" by
going shopping together for an erotic video to watch (let
him pick it), or read "The Joy of Sex," by Alex Comfort, in
If doing all this doesn't restore a normal, active sex life,
please get help from a therapist or couselor.
Related Keywords: Sexual Attraction, Dating Strategies, Your Requirements
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