"Ask Dr. Tracy"

2/8/98 Advice Column


Dear Dr. Tracy,

Is it that importatnt for your boyfriend/girlfriend to sign all notes and greeting cards with "love, ". According to the "Rules" if they don't, it's grounds for breaking up. What do you think? Just wandering

Dear Rule-follower,

Krishnamurti, one of the world's great philosophers and wise men, once said, "Question authority." The authority behind this Rules business should definitely be questioned. Human beings are so different and every circumstance is so different that making rules which work for everyone in every situation is impossible. As for breaking up with someone over how they sign their cards, that's just nuts. If you get a card, you should be gracious and say thank you.

If someone signs "forever yours," instead of "love," they're out? I never heard of anything so ridiculous. Grounds for breaking up include cheating, lying, beating and abusing, but how someone signs a card hardly qualifies as a grounds for breaking up.

Use your common sense and never blindly follow what anyone says, especially when it doesn't make sense at all.

Get a grip; stay focused on what's important.

Dr. Tracy

Dear Dr. Tracy,

I am a 30 year old never been married, professional white single woman....with what I like to consider good morals, standards, family values. Recently (2 months ago) I met a 28 year old single man who he and I have seemed to have clicked immediately as soul mates. He confessed to be that he is a virgin (I am not) and that he isn't sure he'd would ever want to experiencing making love to a woman (yes he is hetersexual) because he has a fetish. He is totally sexually aroused by women's feet. He gets erected from the sight of them naked (bare) and likes to masterbate and do other erotic things. Anyways, he has recently told me all of this, and it kind of turned me on though in the back of my mind, the part where he says he isn't sure he'd be able to "make love" to me should we ever get to the point of that or continue to be together.

Is it wrong for me to continue to pursue this relationship....we literally have many many of the same interests, we laugh together, talk a lot, laugh together, we are becoming each own's best friend, but in a close intimate way, not just a buddy and a girl / friend...hanging out. Yet in the back of mind, lies the aching desire to be touched and loved that I am seeking in a lifetime partner. Any thoughts?


Dear Miss Morals,

There is nothing immoral or illegal or wrong about a man getting turned on by feet. It's just different, but if that's what he likes, so be it. The question really has to do with whether he can have normal sex and whether you'd feel comfortable with the feet thing.

I'd suggest you go to the beach or some other barefoot event and see how he behaves. Then I'd try the sex thing before I got too involved with lifelong yearnings. After all, if he can't have regular sex you're not going to be happy with him, and if you can't do the foot thing, he probably won't be too happy with you either.

His is a common fetish. Many men are turned on by feet. Usually, they can be turned on by regular sex too.

Good Luck,

Dr. Tracy

Dear Dr. Tracy,

I am a 24 year old girl who lives in KY. Last year I went to a Ice Hockey game and met a guy who played. His name was Ted. I ask him to sign something and he was very nice and did everything to let me know that I was important to him. Well, this guy ended up being traded to Phoenix, AZ to play. I heard the news and I was crushed, I felt to depressed and felt that I needed to see him to I flew to arizona to see him again. There he talked to me and couldn't belive that I was there for him. I left phoenix still feeling that hurt and wanting to be near to him. Now, he is in massachutes where he lives and plays hockey. He came to cincinnati this past weekend and I was there at both games. Seeing him was great. During the hockey game we sat right behind his bench. The whole game he kept looking to see if I was there. After the game he went to the phone and made a phone call then walked right ove to us putting other fans aside and telling them to wait. It really hard for me because I have a boyfriend here that loves me very much but when I'm with him, I only think of Ted, the hockey player. I have written letters and given them to Ted so he knows how I feel. What can I do? I want to Be close to this guy! Sometimes he acts like I'm real important to him then other times he acts like he doesn't care.

I have fallen in love with him over the past year and I am planning a trip to Massachutes to see him again. Please help me and tell me what I can do to actually find out what he feels. I do not want to give up because I love him and he knows it! I would do anything for this guy and go anywhere! It just really hurts! Everyday, I thik about him and I feel the hurt. I cry myself to sleep at night and sometimes never get any sleep. Next time I see him should I just ask him face to face to meet me somewhere so I can tell him instead of in a letter? Tell what I can so to get this guy to like me and understand how much I care for him!

Thank you, Tammy

Dear Hockey Player Lover,

You're making a fool of yourself following this guy all over the country. If he wanted you, he'd let you know. So far, you're behaving like a hockey groupie, and believe me you're one of many. You're ready to throw away a guy who loves you to follow a hockey player you don't even know? That's really dumb; right up there with the "Crazy Love" articles in my Library.

Of course he was surprised to see you following him when he never invited you to. Sure, he comes over to say hello after the game -- you're his latest lovestruck fan. So far, he hasn't taken advantage of you, but you're asking for it. If you're attractive, he probably wouldn't kick you out of bed, but that wouldn't mean he cares for you as a person.

You've done everything but assault him. You've written him letters, you've tracked him, you've told him you love him. What more can you do? Nothing. Stop.

What is it going to take to get you to come to your senses? Hockey players don't fall in love with and marry crazed fans who follow them unasked from city to city. You and women like you are nothing more than the butt of locker room jokes. Stay home. Be fair to your boyfriend, or break up with him. Right now, you're not being straight with him by chasing Mr. Hockey around.

Don't ask Ted to meet you. Don't go to Massachusetts. You're acting like a lovestruck teenager over someone who isn't interested. Read "Giving Too Much Too Soon" in my Library to to get some perspective on just how crazy you're acting and how counter-productive it is to chase someone.

Wake up,

Dr. Tracy

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(Featured art from cover of Letting Go, by Zev Wanderer and Tracy Cabot, published by "Bitan" Publishers, Tel-Aviv, Israel)
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