Dr. Tracy's Advice Column

Cartoon Kiss


He Married a Lesbian
Vibrator Madness
Yearning For His High School Sweetheart

He Married a Lesbian

Dear Dr. Tracy,

I married a girl a few years ago who was up front and honest that she had been involved in lesbian sex. She claimed that her sexual preference had been limited to one partner. I later found out her accounting was a little off. She claimed that she had been through extensive counseling and therapy for her problem and that she was ready to move on with life. At first we were a perfect match -- that was until after we were married.

She changed real fast from the day we were married. She informed me that she would come and go as she pleased and that I was not going to change her. I learned that I was being used as a cover-up for her lesbian fantasy life. To make a long story short, I could read the writing on the wall and filled for divorce after two weeks of marriage.

It has been three years since this ordeal. To this day I still have a problem with explaining to women why my marriage failed. I made a bad decision by trusting my ex-wife by giving her the benefit of the doubt.

How do I explain this ordeal to other Women?

Signed, Unexplainable Problem

Dear Unexplainable Problem,

The best way to keep a past problem in the past with a new woman is to mention it right in front. If you wait, there may never be a "right" time. When you finally bring it up, your new woman will wonder why you didn't tell her right away.

This advice applies to men and women and applies to any potential problem you've had or may be bringing to a new relationship, whether you married a lesbian, or you have herpes, AIDS, wear a toupe, used to be addicted, etc. The point is, get it out in the open right away.

By telling as soon as you can, you show good will. You also won't have a problem with someone saying later, "Why didn't you tell me? What did you think I would do if you told?" For sure, tell well before the new relationship gets serious. Then if it does get serious, you'll know you're loved in spite of your past problems.

So you married a lesbian, for two weeks. Big deal! Lots of people marry people they shouldn't. Don't make an issue of it. Treat it lightly, and keep it short and sweet. Say it was a life experience. Who says you have to explain it? If some woman says, "Geez, how could you not know she was a lesbian?," just say, "She was real bi-sexual there for awhile." But don't criticize your ex. Turn the conversation around by asking, "By the way, you're straight, aren't you?" You don't want to make the same mistake twice.

And, please, take it more slowly next time, to be sure you really know a woman before you marry her. How do you know if you know someone? Read the checklists in "Qualifying Someone" in my Library.

Good luck,

Dr. Tracy

Vibrator Madness

Dear Dr. Tracy,

Hi, I'm a 41 yr old married female and I masturbate often. My question is this, lately I've been using a vibrator to masturbate with and find it extremely enjoyable. I've heard that using a vibrator can be habit forming and could take away from the pleasure I get from my husband. Is this true? As you can understand, I can't ask anyone else about this.

Dear Vibrator Addict,

Sometimes, when you're feeling horny, anxious or just wanting a break, masturbation is the best answer, and a vibrator is the most efficient masturbation tool ever. Why not avail yourself of whatever technology is available to give youself pleasure?

Sure, using a vibrator can be habit forming because you become addicted to the source of your pleasure just like a junkie gets addicted to a drug. But a vibrator isn't a dangerous addiction, especially if you use one that's not inserted, or don't try to insert one that's too hard.

For many women, a vibrator makes them more easily orgasmic than before. Instead of letting it take away from the pleasure you have with your husband, let the vibrator add to your lovemaking. Vibrating during intercourse can make you more excited and multi-orgasmic. Most men get more pleasure from a woman who is really enjoying the sex. Her orgasms turn him on. For maximum vibrator and lover pleasures, try doggie style, slipping the vibrator underneath and vibrating your clitoris while he's making love to you from behind.

Also, it sounds like you might be ready to explore "Spicing up your Sex Life" in my Library.

Good luck,

Dr. Tracy

Yearning For His High School Sweetheart

Dear Dr. Tracy,

Hello and thank you for your time. I'm a 26 year old single male, my question is this: seven years ago, my high school sweetheart and I broke up after 4 years of dating. Simultaneously my mother had passed away from cancer. Today I believe this had a lot to do with our parting(they were difficult times). A year later I met another girl at college and had a serious relationship with her until a year ago.

The problem with the second relationship was I could never really tell her I loved her, I really didn't mean it and finally I confessed to her my thoughts about this and we broke up. What scared me was I was always thinking of the first girl, I mean all the time, even when we were passionate. Afterwards that would really bother me, I didn't know how I felt.

It's been seven years since I last saw the first girl and that was the last time we spoke, but I can honestly say there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. Currently we live about 15 minutes apart. Should I pursue her, will she think I flipped my lid, and have I :-) Is this love?, I'm really confused and quite honestly it has become quite a burden, if you could give any response I would appreciate it, thankyou...

Dear Former Escort,

Of course you should contact your old high school sweetheart.

A recent AT&T Worldnet study discovered that over 30% of all Americans wanted to contact someone from their romantic past. Most didn't know how, since they didn't know where their old friends are.

You, on the other hand, would have no problem finding this woman, so contact her. If you do, at least you'll have closure on the relationship. You'll either get her back, or find out she's no longer interested or available. No matter what the outcome is, you'll be able to get on with your life and perhaps find someone else. Once you have closure on this old relationship, you'll find it's much easier to say "I love you," in a new one.

Good luck,

Dr. Tracy

Submitting a Question to this column

Dr. Tracy regrets that it is simply impossible for her to answer all of the hundreds of questions submitted to this column each week. However, she does read every question, and tries to select the three which are of the most general interest to the visitors here.

Dr. Tracy says, "Is your question urgent? Many of the most beseeching, desperate messages I get are not answered in this column because the answer is just a couple of clicks away in my Love Library. Have you tried my Love Library? I know that nobody goes to libraries anymore, but check this one out -- it's so easily searchable that it's fun and easy to use!"

If you can't find your answer in the Library and you feel you MUST have an answer, you can get a personal answer from Dr. Tracy within two business days by availing yourself of her inexpensive private counseling.

You may submit your question to Dr.Tracy's column by e-mail here. (Tips: to increase your chances of having your question chosen, state your age and your marital history, and remember to use paragraph breaks so that your question isn't just one big, hard-to-read clump of words. Also, questions in all caps won't be answered.)

(Featured art from cover of Letting Go, by Zev Wanderer and Tracy Cabot, published by "Bitan" Publishers, Tel-Aviv, Israel)
Return to "Ask Dr. Tracy" Home Page

© copyright 1995-2011 Tracy Cabot