6/8/97 Advice Column
I have been scolded for saying the word "fuck" in their presence, yet, I hear it through the walls at night. They read pornography and subscribe to dirty catalogs advertising S & M and B & D equipment as well, while I am punished for downloading pictures and looking at several sex sites on the web.
Why are they so open about anti-christian sexual activity and how can they return to holy ground every Sunday without a guilty conscience? (They claim to be devoutly conservative christians.)
By the way, my mom confessed all of her affairs to my dad and he wishes he could have been there to watch!! Who are these people and where are my REAL parents?
Sincerely Seeking Coping Mechanisms,
Maybe Not My Father's Daughter
In any case, what your parents do as consenting adults has nothing to do with what you do. Your parents want to be sexually liberated and obviously feel that being sexually free doesn't mean they're not Christians. Apparently they don't feel guilty, so why should you be so upset? It's their lives, not yours.
Many adults enjoy multiple sex partners, or have open marriages where they enjoy multiple sex partners together. Usually, they have rules that the affairs are never to intrude on their love for each other.
You, on the other hand, are not an adult, are living under your parents roof, and have to live by the rules they set for you. When you live on your own, you can download pictures and surf sexy sites to your heart's content.
Your parents have very sophisticated sexual tastes, not for the faint of heart or the under-aged. I hope you grow up to have as much fun as they're having. It sounds to me like your parents have a super sex life, and if you're lucky, you'll inherit their zest for pleasure. Some people are hot, some are not. Relax. Let them enjoy themselves and mind your own business. What youre parents do in bed really shouldn't be your concern.
Wishing you hot sex of your own someday,
What does Dr. Tracy think about the book, "The Rules?"
What well-meaning person would treat a shy, withdrawing lover the same way they'd treat a sophisticated party type? The Rules leave too little room for individual sensitivity.
The best way to treat someone is to emphasize empathy and the things that make you similar, not different. Instead of creating wars between men and women, treating each other with kindness can make everyone happy and lead to lifelong relationships.
The Rules actually went out somewhere between hoop skirts and birth control. Since The Pill, there haven't been any rules at all. I broke The Rules by sleeping with my husband on our first date and then living together, yet we've been happily married for fifteen years. In the 90's you're expected to make your own rules, not blindly follow others. As the famous Indian philosopher Krishnamurti said, "Question authority, even mine."
Wishing you a life without Rules,
We got married on Sept. 29 and my daughter was born on Oct. 4. In the beginning of December we moved to South Dakota without any notice. We left everything behind and we didn't decide to do it until the day we moved. In South Dakota everything went wrong and on January 25th I came home alone back down to Texas and a month and a half later we got back together.
Now things are almost as bad if not worse as they were before he left. He will not get a combined account. I pay the rent and the baby-sitter and everything else. Now the phone got turned off because he wouldn't pay it and after I reminded him to he didn't call them. He thinks that I don't always need to know where he is and that his money is his because he made it.
Please help I am desperate.
What do you think he's going to do? Turn into Prince Charming? I think not. If you had read "When To Get Out" in my Library, you'd already know the answer.
Start to plan a way out immediately. Join a woman's group for support. Talk to your family and friends and see who would be willing to help you find a way out of this terrible marriage. See a divorce attorney and find out what steps to take to protect you and your daughter. You'd be better off if you were no longer married to this man. At least then he'd have to pay child support, and you'd have a chance to find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Wishing you a real marriage,
Dr. Tracy says, "Is your question urgent? Many of the most beseeching, desperate messages I get are not answered in this column because the answer is just a couple of clicks away in my Love Library. Have you tried my Love Library? I know that nobody goes to libraries anymore, but check this one out -- it's so easily searchable that it's fun and easy to use!"
If you can't find your answer in the Library and you feel you MUST have an answer, you can get a personal answer from Dr. Tracy within 48 hours by availing yourself of her inexpensive private counseling.