Dr. Tracy's Advice Column

Cartoon Kiss

7/25/2004

Dangerous Dancing
Panty Power
Bimbo Alert



Dangerous Dancing

Dear Dr. Tracy,

My boyfriend has been going to a ballroom dancing school for a little bit over 1 year now. He started going there when we already knew each other. I really wanted to start dancing with him (we were both just beginners in ballroom dancing then) but he didnít want to wait for me to finish school and he started dancing by himself. For a long time, I was upset with him for not waiting for me 2 months until Iím done with school so we can start together. I was anxious to learn. He had a young dance instructor that like him. After 9 months of going to dance school he stopped going as he ran our of money to pay for the lessons. (Lessons start $100 a lesson)

Now itís been 5 months and he decided now that he has more money that he wants to go back to dancing. But he promised me that he wonít make the same mistake and we will both sign up for classes.

Even though he is so much better than I am because he has been dancing for months. Iím just a beginner, but I a fast learner in no time I will be as good as him.

My problem: We went to a dance class for the first time together yesterday. We had a private lesson with an older instructor. Everything was going great. Until a young girl showed up. She gave me a dirty look when she saw me. My boyfriend introduced us. She is just a friend from dancing class that he dances with all the time. But I get very jealous when I see them dance. Theyíre both awesome. Iím nowhere at that level. I would love for my boyfriend and I to dance like this. Every time, I go get a drink or to the bathroom, I come out and my boyfriend is talking to that girl. I know she likes him a lot. Whatís not to like, he is tall, handsome, amazing dancer. I feel like she is mad at me for showing up and wanting to dance with my own boyfriend. The type of person I am, I shut down when I see them talk. Iím afraid to come up to both of them. Instead I just pretend Iím still in the bathroom while I watch them talking and boil inside.

How do I deal with that situation??? I wish I could show her that he is my boyfriend so she leaves him alone. What to do??? I want to keep going to dance classes with my boyfriend but I donít know if Iíll be able to take it if this continues.

Dear Wanna-dance,

You have a boyfriend with twinkling toes and wandering eyes. You obviously can't keep him from dancing with other girls, but that doesn't mean you have to give up and let this ballroom hussy become his permanent dance partner. Fight back!

After all, he's only been dancing a short time, and you're a quick learner. Start spending lots of time learning. Find another dance class you can go to for extra classes. Practice the steps by yourself and get your boyfriend to practice with you at home. When he does dance with you, be sure to be extra sweet to him for helping you.

Then, when you're at the dance class together and he dances with the hussy, find a cute male dancer of your own. Your boyfriend won't be so quick to dance away with someone else if he's worried about you dancing away with someone too. When you're at the class, time your bathroom breaks to coincide with hers and keep your water bottle handy so you don't have to leave him alone where she can get at him.

If you come upon the two of them, don't hide and give her all the time she wants to settle in with your boyfriend. Instead, go right up to him, put your arm in his and cuddle close. Let her know by your body language that he belongs to you.

You could even try making friends with her and getting her to show you some of her good moves. There are lots of options besides hiding in the bathroom.

Good luck,

Dr. Tracy



Panty Power

Dear Dr. Tracy,

I have a question which may seem trivial, but it is not to me. I have been seeing a woman for a little more then five months and I have been slowly falling in love with her. She is a sweet person, and I love almost everything about her. I seem to have one hang-up though. She tends to often wear short skirts without panties. This is an everyday thing with her. Even when she goes to the grocery store. And I have inadvertently seen her private parts on several occasions while we were in public. I may be too old fashioned, but I have a problem with the idea that other men can (and probably do) see her privates as well. I love this woman, but I don't know if I can handle this.

I have talked to her about this without making it a big issue. But she more or less shrugs it off and says that "many women don't wear panties when they wear a skirt." Like I said, I definitely have a problem with it, and I don't know what to do. I would hate to have to break up with her over this, but I am afraid that I may. Please, any advice that you could give me would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Dear Not Being Trivial,

It's true that many women don't wear panties with skirts, but not with short skirts. And certainly not when they're in a relationship with someone who doesn't want them to be flashing everyone with her assets. Your "sweet" girlfriend may think she's being racy, but actually, she's just being crude. Any time a man can see that a woman has no panties under her short skirt, he interprets it as a signal that the woman is sexually available and is advertising it.

Since she may not understand this, don't break up over the panties/no panties question just yet. First, try to encourage her to wear panties by buying her some really nice (expensive) ones and encouraging her to wear them. Go to an upscale department store like Neiman Marcus or a specialty store that only sells fine women's underthings. Think satin and lace. Find out her size and give them to her in a pretty box.

Tell her that it really turns you on if she wears the lovely things you've bought her. Encourage her to wear them by taking her shopping for more. Tell her how sexy she looks in her new undies.

If a woman respects you and cares about you, she'll wear what makes you happy and she'll respect you enough to not go around flashing her valuables at every stranger.

Good luck,

Dr. Tracy



Bimbo Alert

Dear Dr. Tracy,

Hello, I am a 45 yr old female in Newport Beach, CA. I have a degree in business from a private college and purchased my own condo and have a job in outside sales that I am not making that much money with. I am dating a 67 yr old wealthy, handsome CEO for the past 8 years. My problem is his 37 yr old son divorced his wife of 2 years and married a 19 yr. old blond BIMBO with ADD and a son from when she got pregnant in high school and has a small son now since she got herself pregnant as soon as she could with my boyfriend's stupid son.

I can't stand this new wife and I don't like his son either (daddy's boy). My boyfriend has a beach house and a mountain house. His son and wife and baby every weekend just about are with us because of these vacation houses, and my boyfriend pays for their food, etc. I don't want to be with his son and new wife - what can I do? They are breaking us up. I work hard all week and I do not want to spend my weekend with them and my boyfriend is doing nothing to better the situation for me. Please HELP!!!

Dear Being Broken Up,

Let's see, you started dating this handsome wealthy CEO when you were 37 and he was 59. Now, eight years later, you can't stand his 37 year old son and his 19 year old new wife. They're 18 years apart in age and you and your CEO are 22 years apart. Some might say you're not in the best position to criticize couples for age differences.

In any case, this 37-year-old son is not going to stay away from his father. He probably thinks he's protecting his father and his future inheritance from you. The son wants to solidify his position and that of his new son. He may be stupid, but he's not so dumb that he doesn't want to protect his own interests from you or any other woman who might come between himself and his father's generosity.

If you're trying to get your CEO boyfriend to keep his son and new wife away, you're fighting a losing battle. They're not going to go away. Not now, not ever. Get used to them and make peace with the situation. There's nothing you can do about it.

It's likely that your boyfriend genuinely enjoys being the genial host, paying for the food, etc., and having his son, grandson, and even the bimbo for the weekend. If you really can't stand it, then take a weekend off. Go to a spa with a girlfriend. Or convince your boyfriend to have a romantic rendezvous weekend for just the two of you. But weekend family togetherness will probably be the norm for your boyfriend. If you still can't stand it, you'll have to get a new boyfriend.

It won't be because they "broke you up," though; it will be because you couldn't handle what is a perfectly normal situation. Grown children don't disappear because they're grown. They hang around with their problems and progeny forever. Get used to it or find someone with no kids.

Good luck,

Dr. Tracy



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(Featured art from cover of Letting Go, by Zev Wanderer and Tracy Cabot, published by "Bitan" Publishers, Tel-Aviv, Israel)
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