8/17/97 Advice Column
What do you have to suggest for this situation? My boyfriend and I feel strongly toward each other, but the closer we get, the more threatened and difficult his mother becomes and the more his energy get turned away from me to deal with her.
Every man's mother knows the old saying, "A man is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter's a daughter for the rest of her life" (or something like that :) Anyway, you're right; she probably feels threatened by you, thinking that you're taking him away from her.
She sounds awful, and I have no suggestion except that you and your boyfriend move as far away from her as possible. If you marry him, you also marry her. If you think he's going to stand up to her on a day-by-day basis, you're mistaken, and demanding that he do so will only result in serious friction between the two of you.
Many women hate their mother-in-law (and with lots of reasons), so don't feel guilty about it. The problem is that hating only hurts the hater, not the person who's hated. Try to come to terms with the problem and figure, "Oh well, I'll outlive her and then I'll be free."
Just because you love a man doesn't mean you have to love his mother. The best way to deal with her is to ignore her and try not to let her get to you.
Thank you very much,
"Desperate for Dillons"
Don't start mixing up reality and fantasy. Just because a girl looks like Snow White doesn't mean she is. Just because a girl stirs your imagination doesn't mean that you're going to stir hers -- or that's she's even worth knowing. I'd say you have a long, long way to go to find out if she's available, interested in you, and deserves your feelings.
I'm moving soon, and my current man and I have decided to end the relationship when I leave, and although I won't be any closer to my friend, when his relationship ends, we will undoubtably start a relationship. My only fear is that with a long distance relationship is that if he cheated on his ex-girlfriend, would he do the same to me?
Every woman wants to believe her guy is different, or their circumstances were special, but reality is that cheaters rarely change. Sometimes they reform when they get married, but often only old age finally slows them down. Your guy might not be faithful even if you were living in the same house; being far away is really asking for trouble. Attempting a long distance relationship with a cheater is like locking an alchoholic in a house full of booze; what's likely to win, good intentions or overwhelming temptation? Even faithful men can learn to cheat if a long distance relationship drags out long enough.
Barring some extraordinary change that's come over him, I'd say to stress the friendship part and forget having a love relationship with this guy. He sounds like a better friend than a lover.
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