"Ask Dr. Tracy"

11/15/98 Advice Column


IS THREE A CROWD?,
WHEN IT'S A KISS-OFF,
IS IT LOVE?




Dear Dr. Tracy,

I have been asked by an friend, not a very close friend, to have a threesome with her and her husband. I don't know why but I am intrigued and have seriously considered it. Is something wrong with me? If I do it am I sick? or is it natural to think another women's body is beautiful and since she invited me it is okay? I will be her first time with a women and mine too, but she said if I didn't want her husband there he didn't have to be. I don't know what all she ment by "getting together" either may be just kissing and caressing. Is any of this wrong to do?

Dear Intrigued,

One of the most popular sexual fantasies many women have is to make love with another woman. And you'd be surprised to learn how many have actually tried the experience. So you're not alone when it comes to being intrigued by the idea, and there's nothing wrong with you.

Making love to a woman is such a different experience than making love to a man. There's a gentleness and a softness that is very special.

As long as everyone is an adult and knows the rules -- then a three-way can work out to be a lovely experience all around. The rules have to do with who does what to whom and how jealousy is avoided and dealt with. For instance, three people could agree that the women will caress each other, but the man will not have intercourse while they're doing it. Or it could be that the women only want to be carressed by each other while the man is having intercourse with one of them. The rules also have to do with your not interfering with your friend's marriage even if you participate with her and her husband in a three-way.

It's natural to admire the beauty of a feminine body, and for those who can handle the three-way experience emotionally without getting jealous or needy or demanding, the rewards are a new experience of sensuality.

None of it is wrong to do, but you should find out what your friend's expectations are first and discuss what role if any her husband would play.

Good luck,

Dr. Tracy




Dear Dr. Tracy,

In March I met a 42 yr old widowed father of 2 girls on the internet. Our conversations eventually turned to the possibility of dating each other. I am 43 and a divorced mother of 3. I sent him my picture as well as a description of me because I am no 23yr old bay watch babe. All I knew about him was that he was 6'1", long dark hair, and Japanese. We both liked a lot of the same things(i.e. concerts, camping, etc). I agreed to meet him and took a day off work(as did he) to do so, but we both agreed up front that we would cancel the date after meeting if neither of us liked the other person, with no hard feelings. I took the train to downtown Chicago and when he met me at the station he immeadiatley put his arms around me and kissed me. I was very attracted to him as well. We decided to go for a walk by the lakefront, and as we were walking, he would stop every so often, take me in his arms and kiss me, just as if we were two people very much in love. The more we were together, the more intense our "feelings" grew, as I could tell by the bulge that was growing in his jeans. We ended up in a very expensive chicago hotel for the next 6 hours making love. I had to leave to go back home and he walked me to the train, kissing me again as we walked. Once I got back to my car, he called me to see if I made it ok. and told me he would talk to me later.

The next morning I got email from him telling me he was not ready for a serious relationship since his wife just died in February and that a couple of the times we were together, I reminded him of her and it scared him. Plus the fact that I was a little "bigger" than he expected. Now keep in mind that I had on jeans and a silk top which does not exactly hide any figure "problems" so to speak. I was hurt enough to lose 42 lbs over the next 2 months, and go through a makeover. I have since contacted him to ask him to meet me for coffee to see the new me, but he won't, saying he felt we weren't a good match. I'm confused...why spend 300.00 on a hotel and have several hours of sex with someone if you're not the least bit interested in them. I was and am still very much attracted to him but dont know how to get him to see the new me. I also accepted him - major problems and all(one of his daughters is hooked on drugs and booze, as well as him being very much in debt(over 50 grand) from his late wife's hospital bills that insurance didnt pay) plus I dont think he has ever really given himself a chance to greive her. I know he does miss her and his daughter is his main concern right now, but how do I make him see that I want to be there for him?

or should I just give up and let him come to me if he really wants to be with me someday? Please help me make some sense of all of this......

Dear Confused,

Why did he spend $300 on a hotel room for several hours of sex? Because he was horny.

Now he says he won't see you to enjoy the new you, so why waste yourself on him? Find someone who thinks you're wonderful. Begging for love from someone who's unsure whether they want to give it or not is very demeaning. Don't put yourself down by calling him again. Figure it's his loss, not yours.

Besides, he has so many problems. If you did wind up in a serious relationship like marriage with him, all those problems would become yours -- his druggie daughter could wind up on your doorstep and his bill collectors could try to come after your assets. Besides, when a man owes $50,000 he doesn't go around spending a fortune on a one night stand unless he's financially irresponsible and reckless.

Lucky you, he doesn't want you!

Good luck,

Dr. Tracy




Dear Dr. Tracy,

I am 27. I meet a girl a few weeks ago and we started going out. Everthing was going ok until we had sex. The first time was ok but after we got done with the second time, she said that time it hurt. I asked why, and she said that she has two seperate vaginas with their own uterus, and i got in the one that hurt more than the other.

I dont know why it bothers me so much, but it does. She is a very nice person , but i want to break up with her because of this. I seem to be coming up with excuses to break up, like she doesnt want to have sex to often or she talks too much.

Dear Bothered,

When you come up with lots of excuses to end a relationship, it means you're looking for a way out. If you wanted to stay with this woman, you'd be looking for reasons to stick around instead of reasons to break up.

I've never heard of a woman having two vaginas, but you must know what you're talking about by now, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. In any case, the point is that if you find yourself unable to love this woman, go find someone else to love. There are men who love one-legged women, men who love bald women and men who love blind women, so you might as well move on and give her a chance to find a man who loves her, two vaginas and all.

Nobody is perfect, not even you. Spending your live looking for a perfect woman to love is going to be frustrating. You could find what seems to you to be a physically and emotionally perfect woman and then something could happen that would make her no longer perfect, so you'd have to break up again.

Good luck,

Dr. Tracy





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