Relationships that last the test of time require a lot of work and commitment from both parties. No matter how great a relationship is at the start, at some point you will need to work on some aspects of it.
One of the main things that end up needing to be worked on is the quality of lover that you are to your partner. This applies both in and out of the bedroom. In this article, we will look at different ways you can be a better lover.
How To Be A Better Lover Outside Of The Bedroom
When we think of being a better lover, we often think of things that we can do differently when we are in bed with our partner. However, being a better lover often begins with working on aspects of your relationship outside of the bedroom.
Be Responsible For Your Own Feelings
Being in a relationship means that you have someone who cares about your feelings and wants to try and make things better when you are upset about something or feeling low.
It can be easy to fall into the trap of making our partners responsible for fixing our feelings when something is wrong. This can put a heavy strain on the relationship and cause a lot of stress for our partner.
It is important to remember that you are responsible for your feelings.
Focus On The Good Things
As the honeymoon period of a relationship wears off you can find yourself becoming more aware of your partner’s flaws. This is inevitable in any relationship because humans are flawed creatures.
However, it is important to not let the flaws that you see sour your relationship. Remind yourself of all the reasons that you fell in love in the first place and focus on the good things your partner does.
Focus On Personal Growth
You are never too old to learn something new. Constantly growing as a person can make you a much better lover.
Making sure that you make time to focus on yourself and who you are as a person is a great way to keep your lover falling in love with you over and over again.
Work On Communication
Communication is key to strong, stable relationships in and out of the bedroom. Making sure that you keep a good level of communication with your partner is a great way to make you a better lover to your partner.
How To Be A Better Lover Inside Of The Bedroom
Being a better lover also pertains to your behavior and approach in the bedroom.
Change Up Your Routine
One of the easiest and quickest ways to become a better lover is to change up your routine in the bedroom. It is very easy to get stuck in a rut when it comes to your moves in the bedroom.
Remember to spice things up from time to time with different toys, positions, and even locations.
Deal With Intimacy Issues And Dysfunction
Nothing ruins your vibe as a lover more than intimacy issues and sexual dysfunction (see also “Why Do Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy?“). These aren’t things that are going to go away on their own. It is important to get any physical or mental blocks to good sexual health sorted.
There is plenty of help available in the form of medication and therapy.
Be More Selfless
If you don’t see anything wrong with your relationship with your partner in the bedroom but they have expressed dissatisfaction, it might be time to become a little more selfless in bed.
Nothing is a bigger turn off than a selfish lover who gets theirs but doesn’t give you yours. Take more time for your partner in bed.
Be More Selfish
If you are on the opposite side of the coin and find yourself giving everything in the bedroom but aren’t getting off yourself, it might be time to be a little more selfish.
Being more assertive about what you want your partner to do in the bedroom can make both of you better lovers in no time.
Become A Better Listener
In the same vein as the above suggestion, being a better listener in the bedroom can be the key to being a better lover.
We aren’t just talking about listening to your partner’s worries and feelings, we mean listen to what they are telling you when you are getting it on.
This might mean listening to what your partner is telling you they want you to do, or it could simply be listening to the sounds they make when you do certain things to get instant feedback.
Slow Things Down
Life is hectic. We are often on the go all the time with work, school, kids, and family. This can bleed into your love life too and you might find that your goal in the bedroom is to get to the end point as soon as possible.
Slowing things down in bed can be a great way to become a better lover and explore yours and your partner’s bodies more deeply.
Try New Positions
As humans, we are creatures of habit and when you find something that works in the bedroom, it can be tempting to stick to that rather than experiment further.
However, when you stick to the same positions every time, things soon become stale. It is important to try new things, even if they don’t work, you can have fun.
Invest In Your Love Life
Investing in your love life is a great way to become a better lover. Shopping for toys and lingerie together can be a great way to bond with your partner and get your imaginations and juices flowing.
Final Thoughts
There are so many different ways that you can become a better lover to your partner. The best thing is that a lot of these things are fun to do together and can easily strengthen your relationship further.
Whichever ones you try in your relationship, remember to have fun and relax.
Perhaps this is why, when I was thrown into the adult dating pool, I was completely underwhelmed. Everyone was either looking for hookups or professing love only to ghost me a few weeks later.
After a few years on the apps (much too long), I gave up. I deleted the apps and pondered getting a cat.
That’s when I met my now-husband, Tom.
Tom and I have now been together for four years and our combined experience gave me the idea to start this website, looking into all things love-related.
I would have loved a website like this in my 20s, to let me know that I wasn’t alone in the sea of terrible dates. So, I hope that my painful experiences and advice bring you some comfort, and maybe even laughter.
Remember that there is someone out there for you - you just have to struggle through the time-wasters to find them.
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