Most of us would agree that we’re looking for love. We want to find the “one” so that we can share our lives and love with them. Our partners are our best friend, our lovers and our companions.
However, after the honeymoon period, many people will agree that maintaining a relationship can be very difficult. So that leads us to question – how and why are relationships so hard?
Well, it’s a mixture of things ranging from commitments, boredom and conflict – but there’s a lot more to it than this.
Our guide explains much more, so read on and find out what you need to know!
1. You’re Together All The Time
When your relationship has developed, you’ll likely be spending the majority of your time with your partner and you may even live together. While this is amazing and beautiful for the most part, it can end up being very difficult.
This is simply due to the fact that you’re spending so much time together. Regardless of who you spend time with, when there’s too much of this time together, conflicts will begin to erupt.
You will start to notice their flaws, their faults and things that really annoy you – and this happens on the other side too. They will also become annoyed at some of your habits and this may lead to arguments.
However, what to remember in this point is that a relationship is a commitment. You’re supposed to love each other, faults and all! Try to find resolution by taking time out for yourselves every now and then.
This will keep the relationship fresh and divide your time, allowing you both a break and time to vent frustrations. Eventually, you’ll realize you’re supposed to be together and these minor things do not matter.
2. Psychological Connections To The Past
One of the biggest reasons that people find relationships so hard is due to their past relationships. For example, someone may be dealing with commitment issues because they psychologically believe their partner will leave them as their past relationship did.
Additionally, a person in a relationship may be extremely clingy. This can seriously annoy and affect the other person in the relationship, leading to difficulty in a long term relationship.
This may be due to their previous partner cheating on them and the person is dealing with trust issues.
Whatever psychological connection has been made to previous relationships, it will certainly play a major role in the new relationship and this will make it much more difficult than it needs to be.
There are luckily some things to do though to curtail this. It’s worth speaking with a relationship counselor and discussing your worries and concerns. Additionally, you must realize that this relationship is the one you’re in now.
In other words, whatever has happened before is not what is happening now. Live in the moment with your partner and do not let a previous bad experience ruin your relationship.
3. Delusional Expectations
Some relationships become difficult because a partner believes that they are not experiencing what they should be experiencing. Perhaps they were expecting 24/7 romance or sex on a daily basis.
The fact is, relationships are something to work at and you cannot expect love and romance all of the time. While that may seem upsetting, it’s the truth you must accept.
Once you’ve recognized that relationships aren’t all sex, love and flowers, you’ll begin to understand how much you really love your partner. You’re prepared to stay with them because they make you happy.
Just because your partner isn’t showering you with flowers all the time does not mean there is no love in the relationship. However, if it has been a while since you both experienced any romance, then there is an answer.
Make a day for each other every now and then where it is just you two and you plan a romantic getaway. You will find that you’ve been brought back to the times when you first met and remember that you’re still in love.
4. You Find It Difficult To Be Yourself
Many couples find it difficult to truly be themselves in a relationship. They may still feel uncomfortable about opening up and letting their partner into their life entirely.
The problem here is that if you are not both on the same page and you still find discomfort when you’re together, this will be a huge barrier when you want to take the next step.
What you must remember is that you’re both human and you both have flaws and faults – but you also both love each other. Be prepared to be yourself and let your partner be themselves.
This can be as simple as using the bathroom when they’re in the shower, or letting them know about something in your past that really hurts you inside.
The point here is about comfort. If you’re not comfortable letting your partner in or being yourself around your partner – then the relationship will be very difficult to maintain.
It’s worth speaking to a relationship counselor and trying to find a resolution to this problem and always keep communication open with your partner.
5. You’re Not Right For Each Other
Finally, the biggest reason why relationships are so hard is possibly because you’re not right for each other.
It’s a sad fact, but some relationships aren’t meant to be! If you find yourselves arguing all the time, there is little to no love left in the relationship and you don’t trust one another, the likelihood is this relationship will not last.
You must be honest with yourself and your partner and ask if you see this relationship going on. If the answer is no, perhaps it’s time to end it.
Final Thoughts
Relationships are hard for a number of reasons, but they don’t always have to be. If you have relationship problems – consider speaking with a relationship counselor to try to find a resolution.
Perhaps this is why, when I was thrown into the adult dating pool, I was completely underwhelmed. Everyone was either looking for hookups or professing love only to ghost me a few weeks later.
After a few years on the apps (much too long), I gave up. I deleted the apps and pondered getting a cat.
That’s when I met my now-husband, Tom.
Tom and I have now been together for four years and our combined experience gave me the idea to start this website, looking into all things love-related.
I would have loved a website like this in my 20s, to let me know that I wasn’t alone in the sea of terrible dates. So, I hope that my painful experiences and advice bring you some comfort, and maybe even laughter.
Remember that there is someone out there for you - you just have to struggle through the time-wasters to find them.
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