The old adage goes that love means never having to say you are sorry – but as anyone who has ever been in a relationship will know, this is a statement that has been entirely debunked.
Being able to apologize and admit your faults is a key part of any relationship – but it is a skill that may not come entirely naturally to many of us.
To help, we have put together some tips on how to apologize effectively and with the right amount of humility, to ensure that your relationship has a chance to grow back in a stronger, more honest, and genuine manner.
1. Cool Down Before You Apologize
You should always cool down before apologizing to your boyfriend. This means taking a break from arguing, and giving yourself time to calm down.
You shouldn’t just apologize when you’re angry – this could escalate the situation and make things worse. Instead, wait until you’re feeling calmer, and then apologize.
It can help to set aside and agree upon a time to talk – this will ensure that you are both in the right headspace, and can move forward as a couple.
2. Be Honest About What You Did Wrong
The first step towards apologizing is being honest about what you did. If you were rude to him or cheated on him, then you need to be upfront about it.
It’s important to remember that he might be angry at you for doing something stupid, but if you can take responsibility for your actions, then he may be able to forgive you and move on.
Getting caught in a lie, or only telling half of the story, is a surefire way to break trust once and for all, so make sure you tell him everything from the beginning – a relationship built on lies and half-truths is already doomed.
3. Don’t Try And Make Up For It With A Gift Or An Apology
If you want to show your remorse, don’t try and buy your way out of it by giving him an expensive gift or treat – this will only make it look like you’re trying to bribe him into forgiving you.
This sends the wrong message and means that the authenticity of your apology is questionable. Instead, think about what you could do to make things better between you two.
Maybe you cook a nice dinner at home, or spend time together watching movies? Whatever it is, make sure you do something nice for him – it doesn’t have to cost anything, just make sure it shows that you care.
4. Tell Him How Much He Means To You
Another thing to bear in mind when apologizing is that you should always let him know how much he means to you. Whether you’ve done something wrong or not, it’s important to acknowledge his feelings and emotions.
Even if you feel bad about what you did, it’s still important to let him know that you understand where he’s coming from.
Acknowledge the harm that you have caused, and explain why you did it. Say something along the lines of “I’m really sorry I hurt you” or “I’m sorry I made you feel like that”.
Then ask him if there was anything else you could have done differently, or if he would like you to do something different next time.
5. Ask His Opinion On Things
When you apologize, it’s also important to ask him what he thinks about certain situations. This helps you to gauge whether or not you’ve got it right and gives you a chance to learn from your mistakes.
This also shows that you genuinely value his opinion, and respect that you are the one in the wrong.
6. Take Time To Listen
Listening is one of the most important things you can do in your relationship; it shows that you care about him and that you want to work through any problems that you might have had.
When you listen to him, you’ll find that he feels heard and understood, which will mean that he’ll be less likely to hold grudges against you.
There are a few things you can do to show that you are genuinely listening to your partner, and these include:
- Paying attention to what they say
- Giving them space to talk
- Listening without interrupting
- Listening to what they actually say, rather than what you think or hope that they are saying
7. Take Responsibility For Your Actions
Apologies aren’t enough on their own, though – you need to take responsibility for your actions as well. If you were responsible for causing a problem, then you need to accept that you are at fault. Saying “sorry” isn’t good enough if you haven’t taken any action to change your behavior.
It is important to accept full responsibility for your error, and this includes accepting that you may have been wrong. It’s easy to blame someone else for your mistakes, but it’s important to remember that you are ultimately responsible for your actions and that it is up to you to change.
8. Make A Plan To Change
If you want to avoid making the same mistake again, you need to put some thought into how you plan to change. Think about what you could do differently next time, and write down all of your ideas so that you can implement them.
This will help you to avoid repeating the same mistakes over and over again and will give you a clear idea of what you need to do to improve yourself and your relationship.
It is also important to make a plan to move forward together as a couple. Try to agree on the best way to move forward and heal your relationship, including things to try, and things to avoid.
Final Thoughts
Apologizing isn’t easy, but a genuine, heartfelt apology can make a world of difference when you have made a serious mistake. When you apologize, it’s important to understand why you did something wrong and to acknowledge that you made a mistake.
It’s also important to consider what your boyfriend would like to hear and to take note of his feelings (see also “How To Make My Boyfriend Feel Special On His Birthday“). Finally, you need to take responsibility and make a plan to change your behavior.
Perhaps this is why, when I was thrown into the adult dating pool, I was completely underwhelmed. Everyone was either looking for hookups or professing love only to ghost me a few weeks later.
After a few years on the apps (much too long), I gave up. I deleted the apps and pondered getting a cat.
That’s when I met my now-husband, Tom.
Tom and I have now been together for four years and our combined experience gave me the idea to start this website, looking into all things love-related.
I would have loved a website like this in my 20s, to let me know that I wasn’t alone in the sea of terrible dates. So, I hope that my painful experiences and advice bring you some comfort, and maybe even laughter.
Remember that there is someone out there for you - you just have to struggle through the time-wasters to find them.
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