We’ve all been in that situation where you start to get the impression that one of your male friends likes you in ways that aren’t exclusive to friendship.
This can be incredibly difficult, because although you don’t feel the same way about them, you don’t want to lose their friendship by rejecting them.
There are, however, some subtle ways that you can let this person know that you’re not interested. These methods will help to ensure that they get the picture, whilst still maintaining the friendship that you both share. To find out more, keep reading below.
1. Suggest Hanging Out In Groups
One of the best ways that you can avoid any potentially awkward conversations with your friend, is by always suggesting that you hang out with a wider group. If they ask to hang out (see also “How To Ask A Guy To Hang Out“) with you one on one, you can simply say yes, then suggest that you invite a few extra people too.
Eventually, they’ll recognize that you don’t have any interest in hanging out with them alone, and you’d prefer to be in the company of a larger group.
2. Make Some Hints
The most obvious way that you can let your friend know that you’re not interested in anything more than friendship, is simply by scattering some subtle, (or not so subtle) hints around. This will help to set the tone for your future conversations too.
Making subtle hints could be something as little as not responding with kisses after text messages, or, just politely saying thank you and then moving on after they compliment you.
You could also just tell them that you’re not interested in dating anybody at the moment, because there’s no one in your life that you’re attracted to currently.
Essentially, you should avoid any conversations that might bring up topics such as sex, where they’ll have the opportunity to try to flirt with you.
3. Call Them Your Brother
Referring to somebody as your sibling is an easy way to get your message across. By telling them, ‘you feel like such a brother to me’, and that you like that bond, they’ll get the hint that you don’t see them as a potential partner.
Make sure to repeat this phrase often, so that they eventually get the message.
4. Have An Honest Talk With Them
Sometimes, hints just don’t work, and you need to just get straight to the point and let them know what’s up. You need to be careful about how you handle this situation, because it’s easy to end up hurting the person’s feelings and potentially losing them as a friend if phrased badly.
It is recommended that you have this talk in a public place, where you can avoid any potential emotional outbursts. By meeting in the park or a coffee shop, they won’t have the opportunity to get upset or angry with what you’ve said, because they’ll be conscious of those around them.
You could think about saying something along the lines of, you’re really appreciative of their friendship, and you love having them in your life, but recently you’ve been getting some vibes from them that they’re interested in something more than friendship.
If they admit that yes, they were looking to date you, and had caught some feelings, then it’s your opportunity to say sorry but you see them as a very special friend rather than as a potential partner.
If, on the other hand, they shut you off after you prompt them to admit their feelings, by saying something like, you’ve misread things and I’m not interested in you in that way, you can simply say okay and move on.
Whether or not they’re lying about this, it doesn’t matter, because you’ve attempted to have an honest conversation with them.
5. Talk To Them About Dating
Another way that you can safely put your friend in the friendzone, is by talking to them about your dating life. Although we mentioned before that you should avoid topics such as sex, you may decide that you’d rather address these topics directly with your friend.
This can work quite well in some situations, because if you’ve been going on dates with potential partners, you can share with your friend how well things are going, and how much you like this new person and feel attracted to them.
You can then ask them if they’ve been speaking to anybody new, and this will help to show them even further that you have no intention of dating them.
6. Avoid Touching
One tip that you must always remember when seeking to put somebody in the friendzone, is to never touch them in a way that would give them the wrong impression.
Perhaps you are somebody who communicates affection with physical touch, well, you need to stop doing that in this particular situation.
It may not even seem like you’re doing anything inappropriate in your mind, just giving them a quick hug or an affectionate pat on the back, but these things could easily be misconstrued by your friend, who might take them as a sign that you’re interested.
In future, make sure to always abstain from touching your friend in any way that could be misinterpreted as something more than friendship.
Final Thoughts
When trying to friendzone somebody, it can be difficult to know where to begin. You want them to know that you’re not interested, but at the same time, you don’t want to lose the friendship.
If you apply some of the hints outlined above, you can help to make your friend aware that you don’t see them as a potential partner. If however, this doesn’t work, then you’ll need to have a heart to heart with them.
Perhaps this is why, when I was thrown into the adult dating pool, I was completely underwhelmed. Everyone was either looking for hookups or professing love only to ghost me a few weeks later.
After a few years on the apps (much too long), I gave up. I deleted the apps and pondered getting a cat.
That’s when I met my now-husband, Tom.
Tom and I have now been together for four years and our combined experience gave me the idea to start this website, looking into all things love-related.
I would have loved a website like this in my 20s, to let me know that I wasn’t alone in the sea of terrible dates. So, I hope that my painful experiences and advice bring you some comfort, and maybe even laughter.
Remember that there is someone out there for you - you just have to struggle through the time-wasters to find them.
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